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The Gift of Myrrh

This is our fifth Christmas without Zoe. We never had a chance to celebrate a single Christmas with her, but the heartache of her not being present is still there. Five Christmases without our first daughter. Five seasons of celebrating Christ’s birth without being able to share that with the baby girl that was born to us. Sometimes it feels heavy, sometimes it’s just a fact of the new normal we live in, but either way it’s hard. 

When someone you love passes away, the holidays can be tough. Maybe it’s the thought of holiday traditions without someone who was such a big part of those traditions. Maybe it’s the feeling of loss knowing that you won’t be able to pass those traditions on to the child that is no longer physically present. Perhaps it is the dull ache that is felt knowing that someone is missing. Maybe it’s all of those reasons. Maybe it’s something else.

It doesn’t really matter why those holidays are specifically tough, the truth is they are tough. 

Knowing this, we wanted to share with you some reflections on this Christmas season that we sense God has been impressing upon our hearts. We wanted to take a time to remember the why about Jesus’s birth, while focusing on some of the what to it. 

Let’s look at the gifts that were brought to Jesus after his birth.

We Three Kings of Orient are,

Bearing gifts we traverse afar

The Bible doesn’t show us the names or the actual number of the wisemen that came to visit Jesus, but we do know that they came and they came bearing gifts. ‘Three Kings of Orient’ is a great song that talks about the significance of those gifts that were given. 

Gold is the first gift:

Born a King on Bethlehem plain,

Gold I bring to crown Him again,

 King for ever,

Ceasing never

Over us all to reign.

Throughout the ancient world, in the Bible and outside, we see that gold was a gift given to kings. It was a signifier of wealth and prestige. However, it was also used in the Jewish tabernacle/temple worship. In fact, the gold overlays that we see given in both the tabernacle and temple instructions show that the presence of God (Holy of Holies) was full of gold. 

The gold didn’t just represent that the child born was a king, but also it was indicative of the return of the presence of God to the earth, but this time accessible in the form of a man. The son of God born as man, in flesh, God with us. We celebrate because the king was born, but we also celebrate because we have access to this king.

Frankincense is the next gift:

Frankincense to offer have I,

Incense owns a Deity nigh:

Prayer and praising

All men raising,

Worship Him God on High.

Frankincense is an aromatic resin that is still used to this day. It also was associated with royalty and deity. It would not have been present in a common household. While there is a close connection with royalty, it was also connected to deity. Exodus 30 gives us a picture of how frankincense was used in worship. In fact its use, in mixture with other elements, was burned as a holy incense to God. It was to be viewed as holy, set apart, not to be used in any other way. Again, it was also closely connected to the presence of God in the tabernacle/temple. 

It was a gift showing the deity of Christ, but also an allusion to his priesthood. A priesthood that gives us access to the Father. God’s priestly role on earth, Jesus as our intercessor. Jesus who is worthy of our worship.

Finally we come to myrrh:

Myrrh is mine; its bitter perfume

Breathes a life of gathering gloom;—

Sorrowing, sighing,

Bleeding, dying,

Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.

Myrrh is similar to frankincense, in that it comes from a tree as well. It is also used in burning incense, but it’s also use as a spice for embalming purposes. It was expensive as well, again signifying the importance of the child that had been born. Exodus 30 also mentions myrrh as a spice used for incense in worship. Clearly signifying, again, the presence of God through worship. However, it was not just used in worship.

Myrrh was commonly used as part of the preparation of a body for burial. It was part of the embalming process in Egyptian burial, but it was also used to prepare a body to be entombed.

The myrrh foreshadowed the reason Jesus came. He came because he was to die. He came because he was going to defeat death. He came because he was the perfect sacrifice, the King of Kings, God-become man, present on earth to die for us. 

As much as we celebrate the joy and the expectation of the birth of our savior, we need to hold in tension that his birth was so that he could suffer and die. Myrrh is symbolic of that suffering.

Jesus’s birth is about his death. I know that might sound like a contradiction, but it’s true. Without the birth, we don’t have the death. Without his death, we don’t have life; we don’t have the hope that we do have.

As I think about the fifth Christmas without Zoe, I can choose to mourn the loss of what could have been, the loss of the dreams that should have been, and I can choose to worship. I don’t have to do either one or the other, I can do both.

When we worship in the midst of mourning, it doesn’t take away from the grief and pain, but rather it gives it meaning. We enter into that suffering and receive that myrrh with Him. We join in with his suffering and we worship.

We have a choice because over 2,000 years ago, Jesus entered the world he created as a baby. He came because he was to suffer and die. He came because that was the way for us to be reunited with him. He came because, in coming, he conquered death and offers us life. Our loved ones are experiencing that life as we will one day experience. But we can have life now, because of that birth.

So as you think of this Christmas, without the people who are no longer here, think of the hope that we have. We will one day be reunited with them, because of the birth we now celebrate!

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Trusting His Timing

I wrote this Sunday, August 8, 2014, a little less than 4 months after we lost Zoe. I believe the sermon that day was titled Trust His Timing. I was going to post it to our family blog, but never did. As I reflect back on it, I feel even more confident now about how I felt then.

This Sunday, while going through the gospel of Luke, our pastor was teaching from chapter 8. The passage was a familiar one, the healing of Jairus’s daughter.

(Photo Credit)

 

After reading the passage be began with an illustration about a pastor who was in Turkey for a conference. He received a call about his teenage daughter being in a terrible accident and was left on life support. After changing his flight, he was left in the airport for 5 hours awaiting his flight home. While reading his Bible, he came across the story of Jairus’s daughter, but from the Gospel of Mark (chapter 5). Upon reaching verse 23, he struggled to make it through the verse.

He pleaded earnestly with him, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.”

He could empathize with the earnestness with which Jairus pleaded. For him, there was comfort in knowing that he could relate to Jairus’s desperate heart.

Our pastor left the illustration without sharing with us whether or not his daughter lived; I was left the impression that she did survive.

The story of this pastor visiting Turkey and Jairus’s story immediately affected Mackenzie and I in perhaps a different way than other people in the congregation.

We too have felt the desperation that Jairus felt. Similar to our story, his daughter died as well. However, for us, Zoe was not raised to life. The healing Zoe received was different than what we would have asked for. I can see Jesus picking Zoe up in his arms during that nap, and gently whispering, “My precious child, wake up.”

For both Jairus and for our family, healing occurred; however it looked very different. Both required  faith and trust in Jesus’s. One ended with the results as prayed for, ours did not. I can’t tell you why God chose us to receive the gift of Zoe’s life and death, but I can tell you that He is using it for his glory as we trust His timing.

God has not asked me to understand why He has chosen to show His power and glory through Zoe’s death. I can, however choose to either receive it or reject it.

We have chosen to receive it. We hurt. The pain is real, but we now know what it means to have God come and enter into our pain with us. He is there in those days when we feel like we don’t know how to do anything without losing it. He is there when we have fun and laugh with the boys. He is there when we are supported by family, friends, and strangers. He is there when we feel like we have not rely on each other. He is there.

________________________

We trust in God’s timing, not because we understand it, but because He is there with us. Looking back at those words and the journey we have been on since Zoe’s death, I see that God has used her death to grow our trust in him, to show us love and support of people who were there for us in our grief and continue to be, and to draw others closer to Him. He has also shown us how He is using Zoe’s death to walk with other through their grief and loss. I still can’t tell you why God chose us for this terrible gift, but I can tell you what He is doing through it.

Trust His timing and keep moving forward. He will, in time, show you what He is doing. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!

 

 

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He is Hope

He is Hope.

I came across this picture recently, and it took my breath away. I had forgotten that this was the backdrop to the funeral service for our daughter Zoe. As I gazed at the screen, it seemed only fitting, now knowing what He had planned for our family, and the ministry- Hope Family Care, that He would birth out of this event.

As we sat there that day very much engulfed in our own grief, I had no idea that God would use our precious Zoe to bring Hope to others in the midst of their own grief and loss.

When I see this picture, I am reminded that God knew, even before she was born, that He wanted to use our daughter’s life and death to bring hope to others. I am reminded that the God who understood the loss of a child; was comforting me, and I am reminded that God willingly gave up His Son so that one day I (and others) could have Hope.

From the point of view of a father who has lost a child, Easter reminds me that God (the Father), isn’t asking me to walk through anything He himself wasn’t willing to walk through. He accepted the pain, the devastation, and the heartbreak, all because He could see the whole picture and had the end in mind. He didn’t allow Himself to get stuck on the here and now, but loved our sinful world so much that He was willing to sacrifice now for an ultimate goal of resurrection power.

Even in the midst of our darkest tragedy, God is still good. He is still good not because of what He does, but because of who He is. Good is his nature, his character, everything about Him is good.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Not just that, but look at the verses after, and see what else He promises…

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

So this Easter, remember that even though you may be walking through ‘the valley of the shadow of death’,   and it doesn’t feel good that He who is good is walking right beside you.

HE is HOPE

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Dear Grieving Dad

I’ve written this post many times in my head. Each time I feel like it goes in a different direction. I want to express a guy’s side of grief, but it’s difficult because everyone grieves differently. This post is for dads, like me, who have lost a child. If you know someone who is in our shoes, please share this with them.

Dear Dad,
Welcome to the club that no one wants to join. You didn’t ask to be a part, but now you are a member. I am too. I was welcomed into the club when my three month old daughter Zoe died from SIDS. We didn’t want to be in this, but here we are together. You may feel so alone right now, but you’re not. There are many of us who are in the club. I was fortunate to have several veteran members share with me their experience and what they have learned. While still somewhat of a rookie, I wanted to share with you what I have learned so far, and that you are not alone in this club.

 

Maybe you feel completely alone, I am with you. Maybe you feel like everything is moving slowly, like you are underwater, I am swimming with you.

 

Maybe you feel like things are moving so quickly around you that everything’s a blur, I see that blurred vision too.

 

Maybe you feel like you have to hold things in together so that you can allow others to grieve, I am holding them with you.

 

Maybe you wait for a call to tell you that things aren’t the way they seem, that this is all a mix-up, I am waiting with you.

 

Maybe you feel like you are unsure what the next step looks like in your life, I am with you in the uncertainty.

 

Maybe you wonder if the pain that you are feeling will ever subside, I am with you in the wondering.

 

Maybe you think of all the things you are going to miss, I am missing them with you.

 

Maybe you don’t know what you are feeling right now, I am with you in the unknown.

 

Dad, there are so many things that are going through your head right now, but I am with you. However, I need to let you know, when I say “I am with you.” I really am, but not because I have the strength to be with you in the pain and the sorrow and the confusion. Rather, it is because God is with me that I am able to be with you. Really, it is he, God, who is with you.

 

I have learned that there are so many different directions that I can go with the loss of my daughter. I can spend time wishing that I had done things differently, from as little as spending more time at home, to as big has having taken the day off to be with her. However, wishing for the past to be different doesn’t help. I can spend time feeling like I let my family down because I was unable to protect my daughter. But the reality is there is nothing I can do right now. I can spend time withdrawn from my family and wife because I don’t know how to share what I’m feeling. Truthfully, I know that withdrawing from them is the worst thing that I can do right now. There are so many different things that I can do, but they won’t help me move on, but it is my choice.

 

That is the most important thing that I’ve learned is that I have to choose to move forward. They are simple choices, like taking a shower and shaving the day after Zoe passed away. They are simple like forcing myself to eat, even though I wasn’t hungry, or making the bed, even though no one would fault me if I didn’t. I had to make those choices, they weren’t going to just happen by themselves. The great thing about these choices, is that it’s never too late to start making them, but you have to choose, remember I am with you in those choices. God is with you.

 

Fellow club member, there is no way around this, life is tough right now. That being said, you are not alone. My faith in God has allowed me to walk through this tough time with hope, and there will be more things that will be tough in the future. I am confident that God will be with me. But maybe you don’t believe in God, can I share my faith in him with you? Can I walk with you through this journey? Seriously, I want to walk through the hard times with you, you are not alone. Let me walk with you through this journey. Maybe the first choice you need to make is to talk to me. I am with you in that choice. Will you email me? We can walk together, I guarantee you that the walk is better with someone by your side. I am here for you. 

 

Empathetically

Jeff

If you want to share your story with someone, or you feel like you can’t talk to anyone, please contact me. If you know someone who needs to talk, please share this with them, I would love to listen. You can email me at jrollins@hopefamilycareministries.org.