But I Prayed for Protection

Since the day I became a mother, I prayed a simple prayer, “Lord, please protect my children; please protect their lives, hearts, and minds.”

I can’t tell you how many times since The Accident I have questioned our Lord as to WHY he did not answer this prayer. For the last four months, I have consistently asked:

• Why did you not protect her from The Accident?
• Why didn’t you save her?
• Why, Lord?
• Why?!

Each time I sit to write, I have continued to try to make sense of my life and the questions that scream for answers. Yet, I have always been left with the deafening silence of loss.

Until last week…

For the first time since The  Accident, God whispered the answer to the questions that were running through my mind. It was, to me, the answer I’ve been waiting for. I still get tears in my eyes, chills up and down my body, and comfort in my heart when I think of the sweet whisper from our Father. Looking back to my journal entry, I wrote:

October 23, 2017

…The verse on the previous page, Matthew 7:7, says, “ask and it will be given to you.” Lord, I ASKED you for protection over my kids, but Sadie wasn’t protected.

Before I could finish my sentence, I immediately heard his voice…

“She doesn’t need to be protected from Heaven. She belongs here.”

WOW! You are SO right, God. Looking back, what I thought my prayer was asking was, Lord, please don’t take my kids away from me.  Yet in reality, it was about my protection from the fallen world. You have told us that, “in this world [we] will have trouble. But take heart! [You] have overcome the world. (1 John 16:33).”

October 23, 2017 changed the way I looked at His protection in regards to The Accident. I no longer question the protection over Sadie. I know if I “ask…it will be given” to me. I did ask for her protection, and He protected her.  Jesus met her in our driveway.  Sadie saw his beautiful face, took His hand, and left her body. He wrapped His arms around her, and took her Home within seconds of being struck; she never cried, she never suffered, and she never felt pain. I am forever grateful for that.

I cannot begin to describe what I’ve seen, heard, and felt as I look up from the darkest pit known as “the loss of a child.” However, what I do know is that I prayed for protection over my children, and the prayer was answered. I know Sadie never needed to be protected from death because “to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Cor 5:8).”

Who would want to be protected from Heaven?

Not me.

I dream of the day I see her dimples waiting for me at the gate. I await the day she will take me by the hand and show me around the streets of gold as I hear the sweet songs of praise. I have asked Jesus to bring her with him when he comes to get me… Oh, how I hope he does!

This life is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, as I had thought, or planned, or dreamed it would be. Each morning, I wake up longing to hug and kiss her.  Each night, I question how I am going to live this life, again, tomorrow. I have never heard our mighty God speak to me more clearly after the loss of Sadie. I am grateful for the intimate conversations I’ve had with our loving father. I’m grateful for his loving arms that never leave me. I’m grateful for His goodness, and I’m grateful for his promises. I’m grateful for answered prayers… and I am grateful for His protection over my kids.