by Hear Cammy share the story of losing her son Lewis… and the miracle God provided her in her darkest hour.
This vine…I bought it last year in early Spring with high hopes for it to become a plush and bountiful thing of beauty. Fresh blooms after a long winter always refresh my soul, and I just knew that this would bless me for years to come as it continued to grow and fill out my trellis. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before it turned brown and died…there was seemingly no hope. I tried several things to bring it back to life but to no avail, so I gave up. But, last week a miracle occurred…from the brown crunchy vines left behind over the winter, sprouted NEW LIFE! A tiny bit came from the soil below, but the greenest came from the very top of the vine! Those darn brown vines still had something left in them after all and produced not one, but five big blooms and a sixth on the way!!! I went out and stared at it…I found it fascinating that it was the old seemingly dead vine that sprouted those giant purple blossoms. You would think that only by starting over, and starting fresh, you would see such rich color and life…but no. It was the vine that stayed the longest, endured the most, lived, suffered, and died…and now it comes back to life bringing with it such beauty and hope. Sound familiar?
You see…God is not done with me. He is not done with any of us! Tears well up in my eyes because this vine represents so much of Gods love and faithfulness in my life this past year! I too was once planted in rich soil, loved, and showered with living water…the water of life. I grew bountiful leaves and flowers from the “true vine” as Jesus describes so beautifully in John 15. However, it wasn’t long before I found myself brown, dry and crippled in the loss of my son. The leaves and flowers gone…and all that was left was this thick brown vine clinging to the trellis. There seemed as though there was nothing left…and that life was to be restored only by ripping out the old and growing brand new. Daunting…the idea of completely starting over. I have walked this past year with only hope in my heart…trusting that in time my soul and the very essence of me would bloom again…and that all of me was not lost in the wake of losing my boy. That becoming whole again wouldn’t mean starting over and losing everything that made me who I am in the process. Would my laughter come back? Would there be joy? Would I ever recover from this? Will there come a day that I feel the peace that comes with knowing God is at work even still? Isaiah 43:18-19 speaks of NEW THINGS and that God is making a way! But what was the way for me? Where would these new things come from? When will I come into my life again and produce plush green leaves and beautiful flowers…when will I produce the fruit that is promised to come?
When I look at this vine on my trellis, I can see what God is doing. I am reminded that God is capable of restoration no matter how far gone we are. No matter how dead we think we are…no matter how broken and crippled we are “after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)
Each day I am reminded of my Lewis…and thoughts of the loss of him are slowly replaced with thoughts of the gift of him. I see his baseball hats that float around the house and smile thinking about that curly hair that used to pour out from underneath them. I look upon his pictures around my house and remember that sweet smile and I glance over at his ashes on my dresser only to be thankful for ever knowing him much less being the one chosen to bring him into this world. Now I look upon this vine and I see what God is showing me, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.” Isaiah 60:1…and a few verses later it even says that I will be “radiant” and my “heart will throb and swell with joy.” Bless it…I feel you God…I know you are working miracles in me.
To me, these blossoms represent my family…me and my boys…and the bud on the left side is for the one on the way…our sweet Thatcher growing inside of me. God is this vine…we are the branches. As John 15 says…”If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” My favorite thing in this picture below is that this beautiful new growth and life comes from the vine that I thought was once dead. It grows bigger and faster than it did the year before. I didn’t have to rip out the old to grow the new…I just needed to wait upon the Lord…and “He shall renew their strength; they shall soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” God keeps His promises…and He brings hope for our future.
As for my roots? I will leave you with this…Ephesians 3:16-19 “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.”He’s not done with me yet…He is not done with you either.