I was hesitant to share my story about Hunter’s passing and what led up to it, the enemy lied to me that it was too painful, too dark, too morbid to land on the ears of these other grieving mommas who also had lost children. After sharing with a trusted friend and counselor my struggle in writing the story with the darkness, the despair, the painful memories of Hunter’s ten-year battle with addiction, God whispered to my Spirit that He is the Light of the world and that He will shine brighter than the darkness.  Confessing my struggle brought it out into the light and I was able to hear God speak.

The scriptures that keep coming to mind is in The Gospel of Luke chapter 19: vs. 10 for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” And, in Mark 2 vs. 17 When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.: Also, the story of the sheep in the gospels. Luke 15 vs. 4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does he not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?

In His kindness, His character, God has faithfully shown me that He did exactly this for my son.

I pray as you read this story, you notice all the areas where you see God’s protection, faithfulness, provision and orchestration. It truly is miraculous.

I did not know Christ when I married Hunter’s dad, I came from a broken home where Christ was not shared, I realized years later as an adult that my mom feared for her life from my stepdad who abused her and me. It went on for too long and I lived my identity as a broken young girl into adulthood making bad decisions. In His providence, God began putting powerful couples into my path and these three couples in particular all went to the same church, they did not know one another at that time. But God was using these couples to minister to my broken, orphan heart. And, God knitting Hunter in my womb is what stirred my heart to receive Jesus at the age of 30, I had my born-again salvation experience in June of 1996, two months before Hunter was born. Hunter’s dad left the marriage a few months after his birth, he never knew his dad and I as a couple. I am still in touch with these couples, they have witnessed the redemption in my life.

In 2006, God reunited me with my husband David, who had been one of my best friends in elementary school; we graduated from the same high school in 1984, this was twenty-two years later we were reacquainted supernaturally.  God blessed David and I with our son, Jackson in the first year and a half of our marriage, he is now 15, Hunter was 11 at the time of Jackson’s birth. Hunter and his dad knew that David loved Hunter well, Hunter’s dad acknowledged David as being an extraordinary stepfather and it gave Jerome peace in his heart seeing the evidence of his love and care for Hunter. Hunter’s stepmom loved Hunter as her own son, and I am thankful to our loving Father for her devotion to Hunter.  Hunter had three sets of grandparents and a large, blended family that adored him.

Hunter was hospitalized at age fourteen at the same hospital where he passed, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctors performed an emergency craniotomy. Three years earlier he tore an ACL from playing football, so he had two major surgeries and received major anesthesia way too young. We did not know at that time Hunter’s genetic makeup; his brain chemistry was predisposed to alcoholism.

In Hunter’s freshman year of high school, we discovered his use of recreational drugs, over months of incidents that could put our family in harm’s way, we had to ask Hunter to leave and he went to live with his dad for the first time. The time was brief with his dad, Hunter was going to do his own thing; he disregarded any of our values, family convictions and boundaries. Unfortunately, Hunter would remain homeless for several years, couch surfing at various places, stranger’s homes, parks etc. This would lead to his demise, living this way outside of the protection of his loving families, it led to a life of fear, crime, and utter despair.

During these years, I attempted to stay in touch with Hunter, we would see him at some holidays; I would take him out to meals, court dates, and I would visit him in the county jails of his numerous arrests.  I have beautiful letters from him in his times in jail that I treasure now, not knowing how valuable these would be to me, given that most young men don’t write letters. God continued to sustain me during these years with prophetic visions, words, and even tangible touches from angelic activity. Psalm 23 was forefront in my mind, and I spent many seasons of fasting and prayer and God was always faithful. He didn’t change Hunter’s will, our will is a gift from God, but He did let me know He was with me in the fire, with me in the storm, in the deep waters; His presence to me was immeasurable and He overcame my fear.

Hunter became a father when he was 19, homeless living in a car with his girlfriend at the time. Due to circumstances, my granddaughter’s mother moved back with her family and had my granddaughter safely in a hospital. Avery and her mom are thriving and I have the privilege of seeing her often, she lives close and she is healthy, funny, intelligent, kind and creative. Hunter adored and loved her and he wept every time he saw her. I saw the heartache in his spirit; that he could not be the Father he desired to be due to the pull of the addiction, the mental torment due to the lifestyle.

In June of 2018, Hunter was shot twice in the back and a bullet was lodged in his spine, they could not remove the bullet as it would have paralyzed or killed him. He walked with a limp, drop foot and nerve damage until his passing. He did not get a good night’s sleep for several years due to this injury and his lifestyle.  He was serving a 10-year felony probation sentence from one of his previous shoplifting crimes. Due to the restrictions of the probation, his criminal record, his addiction, he could not hold or find a legal job. Hunter went down the path of selling drugs.

Two months before his passing, Hunter was hospitalized with two grand mal seizures, this was from the alcohol poisoning in his body, and lack of sleep. He had a clear brain MRI from the gunshot incident in 2018, God had healed him. I was still hopeful that God would heal his battle with addiction.

I am forever grateful for Hunter’s last year and a half, during this time, I saw a softening in his heart and spirit, he began apologizing for his crazy behavior. He even reached out to his dad to restore their broken relationship. He began coming to Jackson’s baseball games and cheering him on, he would call me out of the blue and just want to talk about life and friends and why all these crazy things in the Earth were happening at that time of Covid; racial unrest, political divide and riots.  He started buying vending machines to bring in a legal income stream, he brokered products to sell them on different platforms, he was trying to get out of the spiral of the drug sales, he was sick of it and what it was doing to his life and mental state of mind.

It was a Sunday night, March 28th, I received a phone call from the hospital that was already in my phone from ten years prior when he had his brain surgery, I answered and an ER nurse asked for me and she asked if I knew Hunter and I told her I was his mom, and she said how far away are you from the hospital and how quickly can you arrive.  She said I am calling you because he has your information as the next of kin. I rushed to the hospital, one of my best friends and our lead pastor’s wife, Rachel was literally around the corner from the ER. She beat me there and her husband, Brian met my husband and son at our home to pray and comfort them.

A doctor visited Rachel and I in a family room and he explained that Hunter was brought in with a self-inflicted gunshot wound and that his heart stopped five minutes into surgery. I asked if I could be with his body, the nurses covered up his entrance and exit wounds in his neck and face and he looked as beautiful as he was and normal and he looked peaceful.  We prayed and wept and family members and other close friends came to be with us in the room over the next few hours; it was very healing for me to be with his body that night. We donated Hunter’s corneas and I anticipate in faith and expectation that God will make that encounter possible one day.

I learned the next day, that Hunter had been arrested again a few nights before his passing and unfortunately, he was bailed out that evening. God is the only one who knows what was going through Hunter’s mind the few days leading up to his death. His girlfriend at the time was begging him not to do it as he threatened killing himself at their home as she had the emergency and police on their way, Hunter locked himself in their bedroom, but it was too late.

I developed a relationship with Michaela, Hunter’s girlfriend at the time of his passing.   She gave her life to Jesus and I had the privilege of baptizing her. It was a supernatural moment at church as people were drawn to the baptismal area afterwards, they said they wanted to be in the atmosphere, like they could see into the Heavenly realm of the spirit of God working. I truly believe angels were seen in the spiritual realm for some people who needed hope that Sunday morning.

It was Heaven touching Earth during that church service and it was the same experience during Hunter’s celebration of Life, it was standing room only. God was showing me how much he loved me in my deepest loss through stories from his friends he touched, and families that were a part of his journey. The hearts of compassion from all the other parents in our community were evident as they gathered and mourned with such a tragic loss.

The funeral director was weeping during Hunter’s service, he said he had never witnessed anything like it, and how much it impacted him. There were ladies walking in the church hours before the service interceding in prayer for those unchurched that were attending. I have heard many recent stories over the last two years of redemption from the impact of his service.

Some families came together at our church and paid for all of Hunter’s funeral expenses; this was the most lavish gift I have ever received.  We chose a casket to give away instead of buying the one that would have been cremated with his body and we were able to donate that casket to a veteran shortly after Hunter’s service. This veteran had no family, but he did have a friend who paid for his funeral and we were able to be a part of that by donating Hunter’s casket. The funeral director was blown away at the generosity he saw in this chain of supernatural events. He shared with me how he was profoundly moved.

During the months following Hunter’s passing, I visited the medical emergency station that treated Hunter at his home at the time of his shooting. I just wanted to hug the necks of those precious EMT’s and meet them face to face to see if there was anything Hunter said.  I met the EMT who said he was with Hunter making him as comfortable as possible, opening his airways and administering medication and he was praying over him the entire time and into surgery. I just wept, like how kind of God to put a praying young man with Hunter in his final moments.

The morning of Sunday, March 28th, the day of his transition to Heaven, I went back to church after attending online for months due to Covid and not wanting to pass it on to my mom. who was in and out of the hospital from January 2020, until she passed October 22nd 2022. The Holy Spirit spoke strongly to my Spirit that weekend to go to church in person, and I enthusiastically did. I had missed my church family and the sermon that morning of the 28th of March, was titled “How to Lament well,” my heart was heavy for a number of things and I responded at the end of service to receive prayer.

A couple of nights after Hunter’s Celebration of Life, I had a vivid nightmare of Hunter laying on a garbage dump dead. I called one of our pastor’s wives and she came and prayed with me, after that I never had another nightmare.

During Christmas time 2022, a little over a year after his passing, as I was reading the bible, God showed me a scripture in 1st Samuel chapter 2 verse 8 in the NLT. “He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump. He sets them among princes, placing them in seats of honor. For all the earth is the Lord’s and he has set the world in order.”

God in His loving kindness and being near to the brokenhearted spoke again in His Word to a few months later as I was reading in our church community bible reading plan, He highlighted the same exact scripture in Psalm 113 verses 7 and 8 “He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump. He sets them among princes, even the princess of his own people!”

I grieve for Hunter’s deep pain and despair in his brief life on earth; that he was in such a hopeless state that he would take his own life, AND I also know that God received Hunter with a Lavish mercy and Love this world has never known and He healed him in the Heavenly realms. And, as I have completed my Hope Unshakeable study, I have gleamed beautiful truths from other parents who have lost children and one of the most memorable; is that each day I live is one day closer to being reunited with Hunter.

I will see Goodness in the Land of The Living as I have the privilege of loving others more deeply in the same Love Jesus has lavished on me after experiencing this kind of loss. There have been numerous opportunities to minister right where God has me in the moments; 2nd Corinthians 1:4 “who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I have held the agony of watching Hunter in his sickness and despair and God has planted me in a church family where the Gospel, The Good News is preached weekly, and the reminder is Christ died for mine and Hunter’s sins and He conquered the grave. God’s redemptive story is shown to us in Romans 5:15 But there is a great difference between Adam’s sin and God’s gracious gift. For the sin of this one man, Adam, brought death to many. But even great is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of forgiveness to many through this other man Jesus Christ.

I live now with the lavish blessings of a husband; a healthy son and Hunter’s daughter God gifted me. James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.