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Our Story of Hope- Halferty Family (Rowen)

Hope is a four letter word that we never thought we would be able to say again after losing our 2 ½ year old son, Rowen on November 20, 2018. Rowen Eugene Halferty was our first child. While living and working as missionaries in Papua New Guinea we found out we were pregnant and we were so excited. We decided to come home to have our little boy surrounded by our family. We were so excited to be parents, and even though we never got a chance to return overseas because Rowen had seizures after a traumatic birth, but we were okay with God moving us on a different path. 

Rowen grew into was an amazing, healthy little boy that loved trucks, and he especially loved to help daddy “build” things. Everyone loved his curly blonde hair and his big blue eyes and his laugh was infectious. Our little family was perfect, and growing as I found out that I was expecting his baby brother, who Rowen affectionately named “Bobby” (I’m sure after his favorite cartoon, “Bob the Builder”). He was even due to have the same birthday as Rowen!

Then out of nowhere Rowen developed a cold. Since it was right before Thanksgiving I decided to take him to the doctor. He seemed fine at the office so they sent us home just saying that he had a minor cold and to take some Tylenol. That night he didn’t want to eat much so I fixed him his favorite meal of spaghetti and then gave him a bath and he fell asleep in Evan’s arms. I got up in the middle of the night to check on him, and he seemed fine, lying on his cot on the floor next to his big boy bed that he still wasn’t quite used to. That morning as Evan was getting up to go to work he felt like God was telling him to go check on Rowen. He found him not breathing…Rowen had gone to heaven. Evan screamed my name and I woke up from a deep sleep knowing something was terribly wrong. We were in shock. I called 911 while Evan attempted CPR but it was too late. The paramedics showed up and we saw they carry his lifeless body to the ambulance. The world stopped as they yelled “DOA” across our front yard. Upon meeting the paramedics at the ER, they confirmed that there was nothing more they could do. They let us stay at the hospital for hours as family and friends trickled into the ER. People from our church lined the halls of the ER, so much so that they had to move them into the chapel upstairs. Leaving the hospital was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. I struggled just to survive without him, and my body physically hurt without him. Basic tasks, like eating and sleeping became so hard. I was angry at God and didn’t understand why he would take my beautiful boy away from me. 

The way that our family and friends surrounded us after his death was amazing. They helped us plan a celebration of life that even included a real fire truck that our pastor had parked outside of the church, which was one of his favorite toys. With every little detail we saw how God was still there, from picking out the cemetery that “happened” to be taken care of by a friend, to people literally paying for the entire funeral for us, and supplying us meals for months afterwards. At first we felt so alone, like no one understood the loss that we had gone through. But through going to a retreat with Hope Family Care we found other families that had lost a child and we began to realize that we were not alone in our grief. Through our anger and grief HFC reminded us that there was only one person in the world that could give us HOPE again, and that was Jesus. The hope that someday we will see Rowen again in heaven where we will live out our days as a complete family again is the only thing that keeps us moving forward. Jesus reminds us in Isaiah 43 that he “will do something new” and as we’ve been on this journey through loss he has given us a heart to reach out to other families that have lost. We feel as though God is doing something new through Rowen’s death and showing us new ways that we can help others. 

Bobby was born just 5 months after Rowen went to heaven. They are so much alike in so many ways and we are constantly telling him about his Bubba. He brings us joy that we never thought that we would have again. Rowen lived 919 days on this earth and even though it was way too short of a time, we are so thankful to have been his parents.

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Our Story of Hope- Birkey Family (Alec)

That feeling you get when you hear for the first time “I’m pregnant!” The joy it brings your home and marriage. Going to the doctor and seeing the ultra sound, your heart racing with excitement for this new journey. Then the day comes when you find out if its a boy or girl. 


I can remember that day just like it were yesterday…we were so exited we were going to have a boy. We named the him Joshua Alexander. On October 6, 2015 we got to meet little Alec. The first time I held him, it was like we were the only people in the world.


It was so much fun to watch Alec grow and learn new things. He was extremely smart and picked up things very quickly. He loved all things music and instruments. We just knew he was going to be the next Beethoven! lol


The 2 years with Alec seemed to go by so fast. Alec was a healthy kid and rarely got sick. In the beginning of January 2018 we took him to the doctor for minor symptoms. She said he had the stomach virus and in his age group it takes a couple weeks to get back to normal and he didn’t need any prescriptions.  During Alec’s sickness, he would go from playing, to just cuddling, then back to playing etc. the day before everything happened he slept a lot. We thought he was getting better, he watched cartoons and even wanted macaroni to eat. 


That night Alec was uncomfortable and couldn’t sleep. My wife (who was 6 months pregnant at the time) thought he might be more comfortable in the living room so I laid with him on the couch while he slept on my chest. I think God knew we needed this time together. 
Alec woke up in the middle of the night vomiting and having seizures. We called the doctor and she said it wasn’t problem just a seizure due to the fever, but call 911 just to be sure. So we did. It seemed like forever before they got there. He was seizing and unresponsive. They rushed Alec to the closest hospital. 


The doctors at the hospital couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He was still unresponsive. They wanted to move him to Vanderbilt to get a more thorough exam when they got him stabilized. 
Then we got the news that no parent ever wants to hear. He said Mr. and Mrs. Birkey you son has a brain mass and bleeding on the brain. We need to do emergency surgery to reduce the swelling and even then we don’t know if he’s going to make it. 


Our world was crashing before us and we were devastated. The longest days of our life were sitting in the hospital praying and wondering what was going to happen next.

We spent 2 days in the hospital crying, praying and begging God to do a miracle to save our baby boy. Then the moment came when the doctors said “there is nothing else we can do”. Never did we ever think we would have to tell our baby goodbye. You go through life, make plans and dream about about the future. This wasn’t part of our plans. We cried out to God, “Why?? We want our baby! Don’t take him!!” 


Still praying and believing that God could do a miracle, we kissed our baby boy. Through the tears and the broken heart, we told him we loved him and we said our goodbyes. Alec took his last breath here on earth. 


Even though we never got a miracle, we know that we will see Alec again. No one ever asks for this path in life, it’s a hard, long journey and every day you wake up and do it again. We have found hope and healing in Christ even through the passing of Alec. I heard a statement that really helped me “God doesn’t make things happen to us, he allows them, so he can work through us”. 


The only way we can make it through is to hold on to the promises that he has made for us. We pray every day that through this pain, God would work in us to help others who might be struggling and suffering. That we might be able to show them that there is hope and his name is Jesus.
Even though the pain is there every day, we pray God turns the PAIN into PURPOSE.

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Our Story of Hope- Hull Family (Jamilyn)

Just four years ago, on June 25th, our family’s life was changed forever.  Our 26 year old daughter, Jamilyn Renee’, was killed in a car accident just a day after returning from a trip to Haiti.  Nothing can prepare a parent for the loss of a child or how to navigate life as you attempt to pick up the pieces and make sense of the new normal you find yourself in.  

Although we are brokenhearted, we have been overwhelmed with peace and comfort that can only comes from our Father.  We know without a doubt, that she went from this life to the presence of our Heavenly Father in a matter of seconds.  The Celebration of Life Service ended up being a life giving service that celebrated Jamie’s life and her devotion to the Lord. Because of a post she had written on Facebook while in Israel on her last birthday, November 21, 2014, a theme of saying Yes. to whatever God asks became a central theme at her service and continues to today. As we continue to walk this road of grief and loss, we have met many others that have experienced deep loss as well. Our hope is to point them to the source of where true comfort comes from.

WE SAY YES. | JAMILYN HULL from Toby Canning on Vimeo.

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Our Story of Hope- Avery Family (Nick)

SCARS

When my son, Nick, was diagnosed with cancer just 3 weeks before his 15th birthday, he needed to have a double hickman central line surgically implanted into a large vein in the middle of his chest.

The line was partially under the skin of Nick’s chest but about 12 inches of it hung on the outside.  Three times a day, every single day, I gave him antibiotics through that line. Every other day I had to take off all the bandages, clean the skin around the line, and replace the old bandages with fresh, clean ones.  The exposed part of the line was then wound up and taped to Nick’s chest under a neat little square of bandage.

In the months to come Nick would also receive blood, platelets, chemotherapy, and fluids through that central line.  It is also the place where he would have blood drawn about every other day.  The central line prevented him from having to be stuck by needles numerous times a day for months on end.

After 6 months, when Nick had finished treatment and was in remission, the central line was pulled…yes, pulled out…and we were sent home.

Nick was doing well. We were so happy to be moving back to our home in Ohio after living for so long at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee where he was treated.

THE ONLY TATTOOS I HAVE ARE SCARS

For 2 ½ months in the summer of 2006, while he was in remission and before he relapsed, Nick enjoyed spending time with his brother and sister and his friends. One day, during those months, he was invited to go swimming.  I sat by the side of the pool that day and watched as Nick dived, swam, and played around in the pool with his shirt on.

A bit later I asked him privately why he didn’t take his shirt off to swim.  He told me that he felt weird because of the big scar right in the center of his chest.  One of our St. Jude friends recently talked about her central line scar and described it, very accurately, as looking like a bullet wound to the chest.

I told Nick that his scar was a badge of honor that marked what he had just been through and that he should never be embarrassed about that.  He didn’t respond but I assume that he was thinking about what I had said because about 5 minutes later he stood up, flung off his shirt, and ran off to cannonball into the pool, making quite a splash!

THE WOUND IS WHERE THE LIGHT SHINES THROUGH

After Nick died, I wanted to know everything I could about where he is, what he’s doing, what it’s like there, what he’s like.  Every good parent wants to know these things about their living children, so why would I stop wondering about these things after my son left for Heaven? My questions sent me on a journey that I am so grateful for because I now live with an eternal perspective that I never would have discovered otherwise.

One of the things that I wondered was if Nick will still have his scar when I see him again.  The automatic, churchy answer is to say “No one will have scars because they have been completely healed.”  That’s a great thought, but is it the truth?

As I searched for the real answer, I found this clue…

In the book of John, there is this great story that took place after Jesus died and then was resurrected.  There was a period of 40 days when He walked around showing Himself to people so that there would be eyewitness accounts that He was still alive.

One day Jesus visited His friends and they were so excited about it that they ran to tell others.

“We have seen the Lord!”

One man, named Thomas, didn’t believe it because he had not seen Jesus with his own eyes.  He told his friends…

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

He was asking to see Jesus’ scars because they were the identifying marks that made Jesus who He is.

A week later, Jesus showed up again. This time Thomas was in the room.  Jesus walked over and said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Jesus still has scars!

This was a revolutionary thought to me.  Will we carry the significant scars from this life into the next?  If so, why?

No one chooses to have scars.  They are usually the result of an accident or a surgery.  But think about it…each scar is a part of what make you uniquely who you are. Each scar has its own story to tell.  But while the story usually has to do with illness or injury it is possible to use our scars to make a better story.

I am confident that when I see Nick again we will look at the scar in the middle of his chest and tell stories of our time in Memphis together.  We will marvel at how that scar prepared the way for a shift in the culture at a very well known hospital and set it on a course that would make it the leader in reaching bereaved parents around the globe with support and hope.  That scar represents the beginning of teaching doctors, nurses, psychosocial team members and other support staff around the world how to better help families when they get bad news, when a child is at the end of life, and beyond.

There is a great line from a song that my son, Josh, shared with me during a time when I felt so overburdened by the weight of sickness and death.

“Your scars shine like dark stars.  Yeah, your wounds are where the light shines through.”

Your scars are different than mine.  Different than Nick’s.  Some are visible.  Some are hidden on the inside.  But each carries a story.  Let the light shine through your visible and invisible scars. Find a greater story to live because of them.

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My Story of Hope- Cammy Lee (Lewis)

Hear Cammy share the story of losing her son Lewis… and the miracle God provided her in her darkest hour.

This vine…I bought it last year in early Spring with high hopes for it to become a plush and bountiful thing of beauty. Fresh blooms after a long winter always refresh my soul, and I just knew that this would bless me for years to come as it continued to grow and fill out my trellis. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before it turned brown and died…there was seemingly no hope. I tried several things to bring it back to life but to no avail, so I gave up. But, last week a miracle occurred…from the brown crunchy vines left behind over the winter, sprouted NEW LIFE! A tiny bit came from the soil below, but the greenest came from the very top of the vine! Those darn brown vines still had something left in them after all and produced not one, but five big blooms and a sixth on the way!!! I went out and stared at it…I found it fascinating that it was the old seemingly dead vine that sprouted those giant purple blossoms. You would think that only by starting over, and starting fresh, you would see such rich color and life…but no. It was the vine that stayed the longest, endured the most, lived, suffered, and died…and now it comes back to life bringing with it such beauty and hope. Sound familiar?

You see…God is not done with me. He is not done with any of us! Tears well up in my eyes because this vine represents so much of Gods love and faithfulness in my life this past year! I too was once planted in rich soil, loved, and showered with living water…the water of life. I grew bountiful leaves and flowers from the “true vine” as Jesus describes so beautifully in John 15. However, it wasn’t long before I found myself brown, dry and crippled in the loss of my son. The leaves and flowers gone…and all that was left was this thick brown vine clinging to the trellis. There seemed as though there was nothing left…and that life was to be restored only by ripping out the old and growing brand new. Daunting…the idea of completely starting over. I have walked this past year with only hope in my heart…trusting that in time my soul and the very essence of me would bloom again…and that all of me was not lost in the wake of losing my boy. That becoming whole again wouldn’t mean starting over and losing everything that made me who I am in the process. Would my laughter come back? Would there be joy? Would I ever recover from this? Will there come a day that I feel the peace that comes with knowing God is at work even still? Isaiah 43:18-19 speaks of NEW THINGS and that God is making a way! But what was the way for me? Where would these new things come from? When will I come into my life again and produce plush green leaves and beautiful flowers…when will I produce the fruit that is promised to come?

When I look at this vine on my trellis, I can see what God is doing. I am reminded that God is capable of restoration no matter how far gone we are. No matter how dead we think we are…no matter how broken and crippled we are “after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

My first picture with Lewis.

Each day I am reminded of my Lewis…and thoughts of the loss of him are slowly replaced with thoughts of the gift of him. I see his baseball hats that float around the house and smile thinking about that curly hair that used to pour out from underneath them. I look upon his pictures around my house and remember that sweet smile and I glance over at his ashes on my dresser only to be thankful for ever knowing him much less being the one chosen to bring him into this world. Now I look upon this vine and I see what God is showing me, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.” Isaiah 60:1…and a few verses later it even says that I will be “radiant” and my “heart will throb and swell with joy.” Bless it…I feel you God…I know you are working miracles in me.

To me, these blossoms represent my family…me and my boys…and the bud on the left side is for the one on the way…our sweet Thatcher growing inside of me. God is this vine…we are the branches. As John 15 says…”If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” My favorite thing in this picture below is that this beautiful new growth and life comes from the vine that I thought was once dead. It grows bigger and faster than it did the year before. I didn’t have to rip out the old to grow the new…I just needed to wait upon the Lord…and “He shall renew their strength; they shall soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” God keeps His promises…and He brings hope for our future.

My last picture with Lewis.

As for my roots? I will leave you with this…Ephesians 3:16-19 “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.”He’s not done with me yet…He is not done with you either.