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Our Story of Hope- Graham Family (Emma)

On September  23, 2017 our lives changes forever. This is the day I had to say goodbye to Emma here on earth. 

Our story began on January 21, 2017 when we got the positive two pink lines. My heat was filled with joy thanking God for our little blessing. After our first trimester I was getting so excited to think in six months I would get to meet our daughter in person. Every night before bed I would tell her how much I love her. A few more months passed then I was in the third trimester. I for sure thought “this is it, we’re going to be able to have our little girl”. Emma’s room was all set up and ready to go. I would sit in her room and think “gosh, she definitely going to be a girly girl with all of this pink.” Life was wonderful just thinking about adding a baby to our life. So many nights I thought “Wow! God made this beautiful creation through us.”  I would stay up at night wondering what she would look like? I knew if she was anything like her daddy she would have a heart of gold. With a few weeks left I was getting even more excited to meet her. Little did I know, Sept 21, 2017 would be the last time I would hear her heat beating. I was scheduled to be induced on Sept 25th. The next day I spent at home waiting for my husband to get home to go have dinner. I felt a few mild cramps but I didn’t think anything of it with me being so close to my delivery date. Later that night after dinner I was almost ready for bed thinking how I really haven’t felt Emma move much that day. My husband decided to grab the fetal doppler to listen to her heart. We tried for about five minutes. At this point I was still thinking “I am sure she is okay I heard her heart beat yesterday and everything sounded normal.” We decided to go to the hospital just to make sure everything was okay. I remember pulling up to the hospital parking lot. My husband and I wanted to pray over Emma before we walked in. I remember going into a room so a nurse could check me.  The nurse kept asking all kinds of questions. Finally, a Doctor came in and did an ultra sound and I had no idea what she was about to say next would change our lives. I will never forget the moment the doctor told me Emma had no hear beat.  At this moment my heat felt like it stopped beating. I wanted to scream “No this is a lie.” I just heard a healthy heart beat yesterday. The doctor stepped out of the room to give my husband and I some privacy time to grieve. All we could do at that moment was pray for our daughter. My heart was racing and my blood pressure spiked way high. Doctors were concerned for the safety of my life. All I could do at that moment was cry. 

The Doctors decided to start the labor process. I remember my family walking in the room I felt like I had failed everyone.  I was suppose to be bringing a baby home for my family to spoil and love her. My sister Ashley I felt like was so close to her even though she never met her. All my family was there to help us grieve.  All the next day on Saturday I was in and out of pain. A lot of it was a blur until about 9 pm the nurse said it was time to push.  At that point in time I thought God please let the doctors be wrong about Emma. Give us a miracle. At 9:35pm she was born I wished so bad to hear her cry. They gave her to me to hold she was as beautiful as I dreamed. The nurse took Emma to get cleaned up and she brought her back to us in a beautiful white dress with a pink and white bracelet with her name on it. My family got to spend time with her holding and remembering all the beautiful things about her. After an hour into it she started to feel cold. I wrapped her up with the blanket. The Nurse gave us the options for her to stay in the room with us. The next day it was Sunday. I knew it was a matter of time before the nurse would take her back. I remember holding her telling her how much I love her. We said our goodbyes.

The next day, Monday, it was time to go home. I dreaded going to an empty nursury.  I would go in her room every night and talk with God, and ask Him so many question on WHY did this happen to me? I felt so angry at Him for allowing this to happen.  I felt so alone even with my husband and my family were there for me. I felt so lost. How was I going to tell people what had happened to our daughter? It’s almost been a year, there is not one day that goes by I don’t think of her. What would she look like now? Would she be taking her first steps? Would she be making her first sounds and saying mama or dada?  

So many people don’t know what to say when you lose a child. My husband and I were eating for our anniversary. The waiter was talking with us and he asked us how many years we’d been married, which Is common to ask someone when it’s their anniversary. But I knew the next question he was going to ask us was “How many kids do you have?” I’m so proud to tell everyone I have a daughter in Heaven. Well his reaction was so different from most. He asked me what her name was? This brought so much joy in my heart.  All moms want to do is honor their baby when they can. I plan to honor her for the rest of my life until I see her beautiful face again. 

In the beginning I was sure I would never recover from this struggle, but, God has really taught me, that He is still good through it all. Moments and days still come when my breath leaves me because my arms want to be wrapped around my daughter, but I find comfort in knowing that because He lives, so does Emma, and we will meet in eternity one glorious day! I will never be the same, nor do I want to be. A perfect piece of me is in Heaven. 

Forever in our hearts- Emma Leigh Graham 9-23-2017

 

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Our Story of Hope- Impey Family (Stevie)

It had been a perfect Mother’s Day weekend. Our family had gone out of town, with a large group of close family friends, several with young children. The weather was unseasonably warm for Washington State, so we swam all afternoon on Sunday before heading home. It wasn’t surprising that our 2 young boys, 2 ½ yr. old Stevie and his 11-month old brother, Matthew slept the entire 3 hr. trip home! I worried the boys might not want to go to bed when we returned that Sunday night. I was 7 months pregnant with Drew and was ready for a good night’s sleep in my own bed. It’s a memory I will always cherish.

Monday morning, Stevie awoke cranky, not his usual content disposition. Both boys had a cough and a runny nose, but nothing concerning. On Tuesday, Stevie’s cold turned into flu-like symptoms and his demeanor began to worsen. He eventually grew listless, so both my husband and I felt we needed to take him to the E.R.

It was decided Bill would take Stevie, and I would stay at home with Matthew. I became anxious when I didn’t hear anything for several hours. Then, around 2:00 AM on Tuesday, the phone rang. I was alarmed that is wasn’t Bill on the line, but a nurse: “Hello, is this Leah Impey? We think your son has something wrong with his heart. Can you come to the hospital now?” 

By the time I reached the hospital, the Pediatric Cardiologist told us that Stevie was fighting some kind of an infection that was affecting his heart. They said “He is a very, very sick little boy. We are doing everything we know to do, but don’t know if he will make it through the night. His heart is being attacked, and is already half-dead. If he survives, he will need a heart transplant, and will not be able to live a normal life.” I can remember the horror and total disbelief what we were hearing. Fear gripped my body and soul in a way that’s indescribable. 

Since you are reading this story, you probably know the outcome. Stevie did not survive. By Thursday evening, our precious Stevie had lost the battle against a virus. I could share the part of our story where we felt like we might be losing our mind, and all the stages of grief we experienced, which certainly has value. Yet, I feel compelled to focus on the parts that helped us to keep breathing and living.

One memory that is crystal clear was on the first morning after we arrived at the hospital. Family and friends began arriving to offer support. We all gathered in a waiting room for prayer. My Dad made a statement before he prayed. It went straight into my heart and has guided me many times since: “We will not look to our circumstances, but to God.” I began to ponder the profoundness of that statement. That single sentence was absolutely pivotal. In one moment, the terrible, dark fear vanished. I had always known that the presence of God was always with me, but as I “looked to God”, I became aware of it. I “felt” the Peace that passes all understanding wash over me like a warm shower. I could breathe normally!

Don’t get me wrong. I was still very much in the middle of the most traumatic experience of my life. Both my husband and I were desperate for our son to live. Yet, somehow the Peace never left. 

There were lots of tears as we talked, prayed and waited to see if he could just hold out against this infection. I can remember sitting on the floor in the waiting room the second day, saying to some family members, “If God chooses that Stevie is not to be healed, I want to ask God for 2 things: 

  1. You are going to have to make me O.K. because I don’t know how I will ever live. I will never be O.K. if he dies! I think I will die too. Please, will you do this for me? 
  2. I want to make sure that we will have opportunities to talk to people about the Lord because of this tragedy. If you take Stevie home to Heaven, I need you to give us opportunities that last for as long as we are here on this earth. I can’t bear to be separated from him if there isn’t an on-going, redeemable value. I know suffering is never in vain in God’s economy. If you will allow us to make a difference for eternity, then that will make the separation more bearable. After all, God gave up his Son for the sake of the world, how could I not be willing to trust God with our son too?”

God honored me by answering those prayer requests in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I already believed that God is never surprised by events the way we are. In other words, He is all-knowing (Omniscient). I also believed God is never constrained by time the way humans are. Simply put, He is eternal. 

God displayed these two great attributes of Himself in a powerful way. Not being constrained by time, and by knowing all things, God had been providentially preparing me for a future He knew was coming my way. During those dark hours of worry and fear, He was gently aligning my heart with His. 

To say it simply, He walked with me “through the valley of the shadow death.” God gave me His eternal view of life, which included Stevie’s life. He impressed upon me that even if Stevie dies, yet will he live. God helped me to really believe this deep in my heart not just in my head. I knew that Stevie would still be alive in God’s heaven. This began to help me be O.K. if he died. This is how God comforted me. He was preparing me for my future, preparing me to live and die too. He answered this prayer by doing this for me. 

God honored my other prayer request by giving my husband and I opportunities to talk to other moms, dad who had suffered the death of a child. But we’ve also been able to minister to many people in various struggles as a direct result of Stevie’s death for over two decades. He was giving us a purpose, which is to bring hope to others who suffer. In doing this, we have found healing and have joy in our hearts. I cannot imagine how we could have healed and live, without God’s promises!

Just like you, we both still hate being separated from our Stevie. Yet, God has used our tragedy in so many redeeming ways, that we see are making a difference for eternity. This has made the separation more bearable. God has healed our broken hearts. 

For us, 25 years have passed. A couple of months after Stevie went to heaven our boy Matthew got to meet his newborn brother Andrew. Then came Claire, followed by Samuel. Now our 4 wonderful children are fully grown. Recently, our family grew again as we welcomed Jessica, our first daughter-in-law, into our family. 

Leah, Bill, Samuel, Claire, her boyfriend Hunter, Drew

Our new daughter-in-law Jess and son Matt

God answered my two prayers, and over the years He has answered so many more of our prayers regarding our children. God desires to answer your prayers as well. He also desires that you experience His presence in your time of loss. God has healed our broken hearts and He will heal yours too, simply by turning to and trusting Him. His comfort and presence are a divine gift to anyone who asks for it and receives it. 

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Our Story of Hope- Steubing Family (Rylan)

Out of our four children, Rylan was the only one that I knew with 100% certainty the night she was conceived. Probably way too much information to begin a story with, but it sets the tone for her uniqueness.  My heart just knew that a beautiful baby had been made and somehow I knew that the beautiful baby was a she.

Before Rylan

After a few tumultuous early years, James and I foolishly and rashly decided we couldn’t be married anymore. We were just too “different”(insert eye roll!).  I look back on those days now and alternate between feelings of shame at our choices and a peace and certainty that God was still working and the story of our lives were being written.

After a year of separation and much growing up and reconstruction, we remarried on a cold December day. Our little five year old Jordan standing up with his young parents, watching us recommit to being a family again.  The next December he would welcome his baby sister.

She’s Here

On the night of December 3, 1997 an incredibly beautiful baby was born. Her birth was the easiest of the four babies and she was a true cherub.

For some reason, (I actually  think there’s no such thing as “some reason” as it’s now clear to me that God gave me some distinct and lasting imprints of her life that I now treasure deeply) but the first night after she was born and I was alone in the hospital room with her I had a moment that I have never forgotten. The previous night when I went into labor, there was a blizzard. As in blowing snow, you can’t go over 25 mph and I was convinced she would be a floorboard baby! But if you have ever experienced a snow storm, the first night after the storm is magical. The sky is completely clear and the moon reflects with an incredible brightness of the white landscape. It’s wonderful!

So that night, as I sat on my hospital bed with this little angel laying in front of me, a moonbeam shining through the window illuminated her like an angel.  In that moment, this overwhelming, indescribable love came over me. In that moment, we bonded. I can think of it today, almost 21 years later, with perfect recall.

Did I bond with my other children? Absolutely! But for “some reason” Rylan’s was burned into my memories unlike the others. God knew.  He knew I would need those memories to survive the day he took her from me.

She grew up healthy and beautiful and a complete joy to our family and friends. She was adorable and to add a cherry to her cuteness, she was irresistibly sweet.

Two more baby sisters would be added to our family over the next 15 years. Morgan came three and a half years after Rylan and then our little “surprise package” Maren, arrived when Rylan was almost 15 and Morgan was 11.

I can say with certainty that the day Maren was born was the best day of Rylan’s life. Sheer joy was on her face in that delivery room! She was the most excited person in our family that a new baby was coming (James and I were still thawing from our shock of being parents again at 41 and 43!).  For Maren, I often think the loss of Rylan will be the most significant because she never got to fully know how much she was loved by her big sister. To be loved the way Rylan loved Maren is truly the cure for humanity. I will spend my days telling her how much her sister loved her.

She had her first seizure at 13. It was nocturnal, no one saw her have it and thus would begin the mystery of her epilepsy. At first we were told it was likely brought on by adolescence and there was a good chance it would leave her by the time she reached her twenties.  We were hopeful! It was mild at first and she only had five or six seizures the first year.  When the meds began to fail, one after the other, our first tastes of fear began to settle on us.  I began to wake up every morning with my first thoughts being “did she have a seizure last night?”  It would become an all consuming thought over the course of the next five years.

Ecuador

In early 2013 we began to feel an almost magnetic pull to move outside the U.S.  For over a year we diligently prayed and talk through what such a life changing decision like that would like.  I still struggle even today to adequately explain the process of how and why we ended up in Ecuador. It was so incredible, hard, scary, daunting, exhilarating and overwhelming.  While all of our children were on board and excited to go, none as much as Rylan. She rarely expressed second thoughts like the rest of us.  She KNEW it was the path we were to take.  She jumped in immediately to our new culture. She studied her Spanish with such diligence! She was by her nature shy but very much a people person. She longed to communicate and get to know our new neighbors.

After enrolling the girls in private school, they began to speak and understand Spanish at a rapid pace! They were such brave girls!! I still beam with pride when I think of how they stepped into the adventure with such courage.

The Change

In the beginning of her senior year, she came to me and said “Mom, I am so torn about school. I’m struggling academically and maybe I should homeschool and finish?”  For “some reason” she approached me with the idea of going to Youth With A Mission (YWAM, pronounced *why wham*) and doing a Discipleship Training School. A program held all over the world in virtually every country.  She was going to finish home school and start YWAM the following fall. She would attend Midwifery school after her DTS in Kona, Hawaii at University of the Nations.  Her acceptance into the program there was one her great joys. She loved babies and women and birth with a passion I’ve rarely seen.

For “some reason” I knew it was the right thing for her but that she shouldn’t wait to go, I told her to to apply right away to YWAM.  I remember the night I told James I was questioning my parenting in advising my child to stop her senior year of school to leave and go on a six month adventure! But I knew she was to go.

We began to correspond with a wonderful American missionary family in Cusco, Peru running the YWAM base camp there.  Jordan and Joy Allen and their three children would become a second family to Rylan.

Letting Her Go

I began to immediately question my decision to let her go with the epilepsy getting increasingly worse. We agreed that for safety reasons she would stay on a med that had horrible side effects but reduced the seizures (but not stop them entirely) while she was gone.

In February of 2017 we said our tearful goodbyes in the airport and James flew with her to Peru. My baby girl. I can still feel her hug goodbye.  I couldn’t wait for her excited phone calls and she couldn’t wait to tell us everything she was doing!

My amazing little girl turned young woman, learned and grew and studied. She went to the jungles of Colombia, Peru and Brazil. She swam in the Amazon, preached a sermon with a translator, played with sloths and indigenous tribes. She grew in her faith, matured in ways I don’t think most of us ever do. She lived a life most never dare to live.

Coming Home

I counted the days until her July 2016 return to Ecuador. I was overjoyed to see her.  While God had graciously protected her while she was gone, and she had only had two seizures in the months away (a miracle!) I was concerned. The medication side effects were awful and had taken their toll.  We set up another intensive visit with the neurologist and the endless tests as soon as she returned.  He suggested yet another new med to try. Five  days on the new medication she came to me and said words I will never forget. She in essence said she didn’t want to disobey me (and she never had) but she was done with the meds. As in she was not taking meds anymore. Ever. At this point we had done every diet, oil, alternative treatment known to help epilepsy and no success. She said at 18 years old she felt she had the right to choose and she was tired. Tired of the side effects and the life it took from her.  What could I say? I didn’t push. I just said ok and then began to beg God for a cure, healing, new medication..something!! I was beginning to get scared.

A few weeks before she was to leave for Hawaii to start university, I woke up in the middle of the night with the absolute certainty that she couldn’t go.  I woke up James and tearfully told him what I was feeling.  He agreed and we prayed right then that if God was showing us she wasn’t to leave that Rylan would be in agreement. I was distraught to tell her we didn’t want her to go. It was her dream!! She was so excited! But the next morning she tearfully agreed. My heart broke for her! We all agreed it was just a delay until we got her health under control. But it was not to be.

Going Home 

On February 22, 2017 my precious moonbeam baby returned to her heavenly home.  I was the one to find her. It was a surreal moment. I had been in the hospital for a gallbladder removal, a surgery I had been putting off for over a year. James came to pick me up and take me home after taking Morgan and Maren to school. He left Rylan at home, she told him she hadn’t slept well and was laying on the couch when he left.

My momma’s heart knew she had left me before I even found her. I was so certain of it I jumped out of the car (with a sore abdomen and stitches) and ran screaming her name into my house. The deafening silence that answered me confirmed my biggest and longest held fear. One of my babies had left me.

The aftermath of child loss is like a war zone.  People walk around disoriented and shell shocked. Picking up what remains with a feeling of hopelessness.

I picked her up and rocked her like a baby and begged God to send her back. I asked to switch places with her. It’s an anguish there are just not words in the universe that describe it.

We had to fly our baby back home to Texas in a coffin. The details of those days following her death in a foreign country and the miraculous ways God provided are stories in and of themselves.  From our amazing neighbors and friends who basically took over and called all the proper authorities and drove a grieving James to a morgue. To our missionary friends (who had also lost a daughter just two years prior) who came immediately and virtually never left our side and brought food and practical care as well as helping us just survive.

The Aftermath 

One day in my early thirties with three young children, I had a conversation/deal making talk with God.  I said precisely this:

“Please do not ever take one of my children from me. I will carry any cross you ask me to but please not that one”

But He did.  I didn’t think I could survive it. My own childhood pains and struggles had created in me a desire to be the best mother I could. I loved them more than my own life. Maybe more than I loved God.  I did not want a life without one of them. It just seemed too much.

It would take an entire book, one I just very well may write, to tell of the ways God prepared me to carry the one cross I asked Him not to make me carry.  He answered my prayer not by sparing my child but carrying me and carrying the cross with me. We believe we are entitled to a long life with our children. With our spouse. With our parent. We are not. Each day is a gift, it is not promised.

There is life after death. On this earth for those who remain and for those who put their hope in a loving God and pass from this life into the next. Yes He is loving. Even when then the unthinkable happens. When you have to take up the one cross you didn’t think you could ever carry. He carries us.

Rylan Richelle Steubing 

1997-2017

My daughter and precious friend. I can’t wait till we meet again. 

John 14:2

Check out (Rylan’s Sister) Morgan’s story of Hope about losing her sister HERE

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Talking About Death & Dying with Kids

I had really never talked about death/dying with our 3 and 5 year old much before their sister passed away. An occasional reference to Heaven, was really all that had come up in conversation. For young kids, it seemed like a topic that ‘we’ll get to when they’re older’. However, it doesn’t always work out that way. For many families, death comes knocking on when you least expect it, and that can be a scary thing to think about.

Two weeks before Zoe passed away, our boys had been talking about Heaven in Sunday School. I remember driving home from church with Zoe in the car with us, as our boys proceeded to tell us all about Heaven. They described learning about how there were rooms that God was preparing for us in a big big house. That when our rooms were ready we got to go to His big big house. How we all had ‘jobs’ to do here on earth, and when our jobs here were finished then we got to go see Jesus.

Ten days later, they would encounter Heaven in a very personal way.

As our boys sat in our living room, alongside two of our pastors, we had to remind them of what they had just learned about Heaven, and how it now directly related to our family.

‘Remember how you learned about how God is preparing rooms for us in Heaven, well today Zoe’s room was ready. She got to go see Jesus today. Her ‘job’ here was done.’

Their eyes got teary, all of our hearts sank, and our new reality began…

However, for our family, Heaven took on a whole new meaning in our hearts. Unfortunately, before losing Zoe, we were all very comfortable with our lives here, together; maybe even a little too comfortable. This Earth was clearly our home. Now having our sister/daughter in Heaven made us all yearn for Heaven in a whole new way. We had countless conversations about what Heaven would be like, would Zoe stay little, could she see us, could she fly, did she have dinosaurs (remember we had two little boys) as pets, did she still have to wear a diaper, and many more.

On Zoe’s first birthday, we began a fun tradition of talking about what we imagined her birthday to be like in Heaven. Now clearly we don’t know if they celebrate birthdays in Heaven, but for our little boys it connected them with their sister in such a special way. They would talk about what colors she’d pick, what theme she would like, what type of cake she would want, who would go to her party, what foods she would eat, etc. Then we would make a similar cake/cupcakes and send up ‘birthday cards/notes’ to her on balloons.

We began to realize that when we focused on the Hope of Heaven as a family, the sting of death became less breath-taking.

Fast forward four years later, and our boys are still talking about Heaven with the same vigor and passion they did when Zoe first left. After a conversation I had recently, I was reminded that not everyone talks about Heaven and dying with their kids as openly as we do. I do not fault them for that, as I realize there can be a lot of fear that can accompany such discussion. However, as we approach the subject of death and dying with the Hope of Heaven fear can be erased!

Heaven is an integral part of what Christians believe. It’s our future! As Christ-followers, it’s to be our permanent home! Randy Alcorn in his book Heaven for Kids, discusses the topic of moving to a new city. When we are going to move, what is the first thing we do? We research. We go online and look for what our new city will be like. We read to find out where we might want to live, etc. We spend time learning about our new home; and our excitement builds and builds. While we may be sad to leave our old home, friends, town, etc, the Hope of our New Home is so great that the fears begin to dissipate. Satan wants Heaven to be scary and seem down right boring, but as we read what scripture promises us about our New Home, we begin to become excited and want to invite everyone we know to move there with us! It’s going to be the greatest place to live!

So how do we help our kids when death knocks on our family’s door whether it be a sibling, a parent, a grandparent, or a friend? We give them the GIFT OF HOPE… Hope of Heaven. We teach them about what awaits them when their ‘room is ready’ and their ‘job here on earth is complete’.

Click HERE to find a list of books to keep the conversation of Heaven going in your home! 

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Trusting His Timing

I wrote this Sunday, August 8, 2014, a little less than 4 months after we lost Zoe. I believe the sermon that day was titled Trust His Timing. I was going to post it to our family blog, but never did. As I reflect back on it, I feel even more confident now about how I felt then.

This Sunday, while going through the gospel of Luke, our pastor was teaching from chapter 8. The passage was a familiar one, the healing of Jairus’s daughter.

(Photo Credit)

 

After reading the passage be began with an illustration about a pastor who was in Turkey for a conference. He received a call about his teenage daughter being in a terrible accident and was left on life support. After changing his flight, he was left in the airport for 5 hours awaiting his flight home. While reading his Bible, he came across the story of Jairus’s daughter, but from the Gospel of Mark (chapter 5). Upon reaching verse 23, he struggled to make it through the verse.

He pleaded earnestly with him, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.”

He could empathize with the earnestness with which Jairus pleaded. For him, there was comfort in knowing that he could relate to Jairus’s desperate heart.

Our pastor left the illustration without sharing with us whether or not his daughter lived; I was left the impression that she did survive.

The story of this pastor visiting Turkey and Jairus’s story immediately affected Mackenzie and I in perhaps a different way than other people in the congregation.

We too have felt the desperation that Jairus felt. Similar to our story, his daughter died as well. However, for us, Zoe was not raised to life. The healing Zoe received was different than what we would have asked for. I can see Jesus picking Zoe up in his arms during that nap, and gently whispering, “My precious child, wake up.”

For both Jairus and for our family, healing occurred; however it looked very different. Both required  faith and trust in Jesus’s. One ended with the results as prayed for, ours did not. I can’t tell you why God chose us to receive the gift of Zoe’s life and death, but I can tell you that He is using it for his glory as we trust His timing.

God has not asked me to understand why He has chosen to show His power and glory through Zoe’s death. I can, however choose to either receive it or reject it.

We have chosen to receive it. We hurt. The pain is real, but we now know what it means to have God come and enter into our pain with us. He is there in those days when we feel like we don’t know how to do anything without losing it. He is there when we have fun and laugh with the boys. He is there when we are supported by family, friends, and strangers. He is there when we feel like we have not rely on each other. He is there.

________________________

We trust in God’s timing, not because we understand it, but because He is there with us. Looking back at those words and the journey we have been on since Zoe’s death, I see that God has used her death to grow our trust in him, to show us love and support of people who were there for us in our grief and continue to be, and to draw others closer to Him. He has also shown us how He is using Zoe’s death to walk with other through their grief and loss. I still can’t tell you why God chose us for this terrible gift, but I can tell you what He is doing through it.

Trust His timing and keep moving forward. He will, in time, show you what He is doing. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it!